“When the Less Fortunate Are Disinvesting”, A Story of Poverty Told Entirely in Euphemisms

Here it is, with bonus sarcasm in square brackets:

The poor are society’s underprivileged [all they lack are certain privileges]. They are of modest means [as opposed to “of no means at all”]. In order to make ends meet [what are those f*cking ends that are supposed to meet anyway?] they need to disinvest. In other words, the less fortunate become negative savers [as if they have any savings that they can negate]. The penniless [I’m sure they still have pennies] are in financial distress and are socially disadvantaged [they only lack some kind of advantage].

As a result of their poverty, those in dire straits [excuse me?] are marginalized [I suppose they are not in the center of attention]. They live in substandard housing [not entirely up to standard, but hey]. Or maybe they don’t have housing at all and then they are forced to become urban campers. Many of the poor have gotten the pink slip [I mean “the boot”] and are between jobs [or even “between shows”]. They are benefit claimants [yes, they claim instead of asking politely]. If they work, they work in the informal economy [they can only make a living illegally]. Their children in school have fallen in the achievement gap [forget about them]. Health conditions are a major problem [“sir, you have a serious condition”]. The uncertainty weighs heavily [much more heavily than the certainty of hopelessness].